loyalotter | 11th Gryffindor Note

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11th Gryffindor Note - [text/Action]

...Well that was certainly interesting. I hope everyone made it out of the snow and back to their residences safely. I was caught at home, so I'm fine. If any of my housemates are coming home frozen, I'll have my bluebell flames in their jar in the middle of the common room.

I'd also like to hear from everyone I haven't spoken to yet since the blizzard ended. How are you all doing?

[Hermione is going to send a Messenger Patronus to her housemates, no matter where they are. It says, "Are you all right? Please see me. I need to teach you this." Except to Harry. His says, "I need to teach you this and for you to teach me something," but it comes back to her, whining...

[She'll be waiting on the bottom floor.]

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...[he pauses for a moment watching her and Padfoot while idly petting Terri, racking his brain for an answer.] I don't like not being in control, you don't like being wrong. That's it, isn't it?

[Damn.]

...Partially.

[Think. Think. Think.]

You also don't like failing.

Yes... it's worse when there's a dementor around.

Why? Wouldn't you think having the Dementor around be encouragement enough not to fail?

[And she'll turn to look at him now. She... looks like she's seen better days.]

Have you ever been near a dementor? A real one when it really mattered? When you had to perform perfectly while it kept draining every happy thought you had and you kept thinking 'What if I can't do this? What if I fail and everyone experiences the Dementor's Kiss because I wasn't fast enough?'

[Aaaand turning back around.]

All the happiness sucked out of you and all you're left with is the fear.

[Pause.]

Do you know what my boggart turns into?

[She may or may not know this, but he's busy thinking back to when he was in his third year, thinking about how he used to mock Potter and his sidekicks about the Dementors. They never really mattered to him before his father was sent to Azkaban. He just watches her, not quite sure what to think before shaking his head no as an answer.]

[Deep breath.]

It's Professor McGonagall... telling me I'd failed all my classes. When I'm near dementors, I can feel that so much worse than anything else.

[And she falls silent here, petting Padfoot. PLEASE TO BE GIVING ME GOOD FEELINGS PADFOOT.]

...oh. [Because really, what else can you say to something like that? Padfoot's happy to provide feel-good-fuzzies, but Draco's definitely pondering something.] But you're brilliant, most of the time.

... Thank you. [Means a lot to her, though she won't say it of course. And giving him a chance to keep going.]

Granted, it's understandable...failure's always a terrifying option. [He should know.]

[And she's thinking about things and understanding.] Especially when it really matters... like when you're trying to save people's lives... [Her hand stills as she thinks.]

...yeah. Yeah, exactly. It's too serious to risk failing in those cases.

Because you can't stand the thought of what might happen if you do.

[Yeah, she's starting to really understand where you're coming from, Draco.]

[Another pause, but then back to idly petting Terri]...why do you actually get it?

Because I've had to live it my whole life.

Price we pay for associating with Potter, eh?

Or for being Muggleborn. Everyone expects or wants you to fail anyway.

...you mean the same way everyone expects or wants you to succeed at all costs when you're a Pureblood?

Exactly. As though blood alone or looks makes you who you are, or gives you your magic... It's all rubbish anyway.

I wouldn't say that. I believed it to be true up until a few months ago, you know.

I know you did. I'm glad you don't anymore, though. [Very, very glad.]

...I know. It's another one of those things Luceti's managed to convince me of eventually.

...It does that, doesn't it? [That might be a small, small smile as she returns to petting Padfoot.]

It most certainly does. Luceti has a way of beating things into my skull whether I want them to or not. [Padfoot loves pettings, really. Terri's going to get some more from Draco, too.]

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